The Day I Stopped Caring

Like a good little American girl, I've always been conscious about my weight. And because I'm more naturally conceited than I'd like to admit, I also kept tabs on other peoples' opinions of my looks. But you know what? By God's beautiful grace, I've stopped caring. Don't get me wrong, the struggle is real. And every day I have to decide all over again not to allow pride to dictate my life. The world likes to tell me exactly how much more in-shape and stylish this post-pregnancy body should be. But My Savior loved me too much to allow me to stay in that comparison, food-loving, food hating, self-loathing, guilt-ridden, self-worship cycle. 

So I've decided not to do my hair and makeup ever again.

I'm TOTALLY KIDDING. You were worried for a second, weren't you? 

But seriously...

I'm feeling transparent here...and a little vulnerable...but I'm gonna share with you some of the liberating Truths that He has been teaching my soul. I'm embarrassed at how simple these Truths are considering how long it has taken me to understand them. Forgive my simplicity.

1. Every body type is different. And how can I criticise an ingenious, creative designer? He is a lover of variety.

"...O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?" Rom. 9:20

2. Physical health is important, but for a completely different reason than the tabloids teach. My body isn't for my glory. And my motivation matters to My Master.

"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Cor. 10:31

"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." 1 Cor. 6:20

3. There are no evil foods. In our low-carb, skinny latte culture it's easy to assume certain foods are "good" and others are "evil." 

"Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man." Matt. 15:11

4. What I eat or don't eat doesn't make me more acceptable to God. In a different context, Paul explained that food has nothing to do with our standing with God. Us Christian girls somehow tend to write a spiritual version of the Skinny Culture Rules. And just like any other form of legalism, we end up living under a massive load of self-imposed guilt.

"But meat commendeth us not to God: for neither, if we eat, are we the better; neither, if we eat not, are we the worse." 1 Cor. 8:8

5. Because of the power of the cross, I can choose who my master will be today. And every day, I must choose Jesus. He doesn't ask me to love myself. He tells me to love HIMself. 

"Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey..." Rom. 6:16

6. Correct motivation, wisdom for daily health and a holy understanding of what moderation actually is are only possible when I'm controlled by the Holy Spirit. Seriously, I've tried all of this in my own strength and failed. The only things I got out of the situation were pride and guilt. Both of which make life feel empty.

"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Gal. 5:16

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance [self control]: against such there is no law." Gal. 5:22-23

One day I sat down and wrote out a list of all the people whose opinions mattered to me with regards to how I looked. My list was long (told you I'm naturally conceited). I got down on my knees with the list and gave all that pride to God and asked Him to renew and control my mind. Then I ripped the list to shreds. 

God is faithful.

The other day I actually put on makeup for the purpose of trying to highlight the joy and freedom I felt in my heart. That's a first for me. It's one of the great paradoxes of Christianity. In death to ourselves, there is joy and liberty in Jesus.

"O taste and see that The Lord is good..." Ps. 34:8

Oh girls, He is SO good.

When the Coffee Doesn't Cut It

Hey Girls,

It happened again. The kids went to sleep early and I saw the chance to be my own master of my time! I knew I should have gone to bed at 8:30 but that still feels so old. Besides, nighttime is the only quiet time we mamas know, right? So I stayed up until...ready for it? Whopping 11:00P.M.

Little Ace was up early (teething...why aren't babies born with teeth?). Now I'm exhausted. And the coffee didn't do its job.

I knew it was bad when I was in tears before 8am and my preschooler (sweetly) informed me that I should just "stay here" while he and Daddy went out this morning. *facepalm*

Whats the answer for days like this? Mornings when the coffee doesn't work?

Grace.

I don't have the strength for the day. Good news, we were never told to "be strong enough." So many people love to say, "God won't give me more than I can handle." OR "God must think I'm strong to give me something like this." Where in the world do we get that idea?

Didn't the Master say (ever so lovingly), "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." (John 15:5) ?

So again, the pressure's off. I don't even have to be strong enough. He NEVER said that I had to be strong.

Here's what He did say: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Phil. 4:13).

He's the vine. I'm the branch. He's the life; He's the substance; He's the strength (for little dilemmas and big trials, too). I'm just gonna surrender, and dwell deep in the vine today...infused by His life, HIS strength.

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Mundane matters...

I'm pretty sure people think my life is outrageously exciting. After all, how many white girls live in Asia? And on top of that, how many white girls raise kids in Asia? I'm sorry to burst the long-loved stereotype; but my life is pretty normal. Here's how it goes:

I drag myself out of bed. (I don't understand those completely obnoxious morning-loving people). I stumble to the coffee maker (and have trouble making coffee because everybody knows you can't make coffee before drinking coffee...why is that?!). Once I've  successfully made my "perfect cup" I may be in time enough to kiss my hubby before he heads off to work. The kids are already up, of course. But they aren't just awake; they're running. Running through the entire apartment. I try to string together a coherent sentence that will magically bring order to the situation....but unfortunately, I haven't had my coffee yet because its still too hot to drink. So I sit down and resign myself to the fact that the kids will continue to run wild for the next 15 minutes. The other option, of course, is Curious George (George and I are first-name-basis kind of friends).

Coffee finished...breathe in grace...sentence prayers...order established (for the next 5 minutes, anyway...).

Somehow the kids end up dressed and fed. My day is full of cleaning, tidying, washing clothes (and then wishing I had time to fold them). I've also mastered the 2-minute shower (I'm serious)! And because I know you're wondering, yes, I do shave every day. My Bible app reads life-giving words to me while I braid my hair in preparation for the 18389573526285 degree weather.

We giggle, play, correct misbehavior, sing, pick up toys, nap, cook, clean, hug, correct more misbehavior, mend boo-boos...

The house isn't spotless, but its generally tidy. My meals aren't Pinterest-creative, but they're edible. And the last hour before Michael gets home from the office is basically ETERNITY ILLUSTRATED (see photo below). 

Daddy arrives home to  be greeted by a frazzled remnant of his once very put-together college girlfriend (me, in case you're wondering...). He kisses my cheek, hugs the kids and joins in the team-effort to survive and thrive til bedtime. 

Now, add some language classes (and major language mistakes), cultural differences, power outages and bacteria-ridden tap water-type challenges and there you have it...my life. 

And I wouldn't change a thing. You know why? Because it all matters. Because of the cross, my life matters. So does yours. My life happens to be one with a husband and kids. Yours may look very different than mine. But we are women. God wired us to be extravagant love-givers. And when its Jesus' love that floods our hearts to overflowing, that love is going to pour out into the mundane world around us and change lives for all eternity. I want my little boys' lives to be transformed by the love of God. And get this miracle of miracles, sister...He wants me to be the channel of His love into their young lives. I'm not looking to make history books. I just want Him to love through me. 

So girls - the pressure's off. We don't change the world. He does it through us...He loves the world through our mundane.  Relax. Drink deep from the well of grace. He's enough.